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Simply put, i was forced to veg out in front of the twatbox (TV for those that don't know) and i was hot and heavy with HGTV, you know...Design on a dime, House Hunters, and all that is decor-related. Anywhooo, i happened upon ABC-Family (channel 44 for those in my viewing area) and was immediately sucked into a cheesy made for TV movie. I do believe i was only supposed to remain temporarily on that station as there was a commercial on the other. Soon i got all sorts of involved in the plot and i watched the damn thing only to find out (during a commercial break) that the next cheesy movie was to feature above mentioned stud.

Ahhhhhhhhhh....heaven.....i don't care that i am watching crappy TV as long as Ethan keeps filling my screen with those fine features and boyish laugh.

My first addiction with him was when he appeared in the movie Empire Records. At that point it was only a slight fluttering of the belly and i'm pretty sure i was still madly in lust with Eddie Vedder at that time. THEN i caught Can't Hardly Wait and that transformed it to full blown lust. I think its the laugh that gets me the most. It's infectious.

I want to lay in bed feeding him frozen grapes and just listen to him laugh as he lightly caresses my inner thigh. See i told you it was lust. I'm sure in time i could love him.

So having all things Ethan floating around me tonight i started thinking back on childhood crushes with superstars and how all my friends and i would buy crap like Teen Beat and scotch tape the bonus centerfolds of the latest hunks all over our rooms.

..::..Yes i am dating myself..::..I don't care either!

I remember getting so involved with these crushes that i would over-fantasize about meeting this person and they would see me and instantly fall madly and deeply in love with me and we would buy a pony and an island and live happily ever after....there were even moments that i can recall crying as i laid in bed wishing for these fantasies to come true.

..::..I am laughing at myself now..::..

It's the honest truth though, all these memories are flooding back now. I never even cried over an attainable crush in the way that i would for my superstar du jour. Maybe its just because sub-consiously i knew i would never achieve the status of:

IN LOVE WITH A SUPERSTAR AND HE'S ALL MINE

hmmmm yeah that must've been it. Seems we always ache more for the things we cannot have rather than rejoicing in those that we do have.

I am going to ponder that one for a bit.....