The Deep End

Friday, June 04, 2004

Good Morning Birds!

Ahhhhh refreshed!

I passed out cold at 4pm yesterday afternoon after being awake for 30-some odd hours. I barely ever stay up all night anymore due to my old age and the fact that it turns me into:

Terri ~ Bitch Extrodinaire

I was awake that long because well, i was again a re-designing fool. Actually i was finishing adding some pages to my site as all my links aren't up and running yet. This entails alot of work when you are designing the graphics as well as coding the pages, but i enjoy it ever so much! It hit about 5:30am and i figured hell, why sleep now and wake up at 5pm only to be awake all night again. It worked out well, i will now be able to go to bed at a decent time this evening.

The birds are out in full force this morning! Actually i woke for a moment around 2am and heard them. Do they ever sleep? I think not. My cats love them. They race from window to window in the house following certain birds until they take flight and then they find a new bird to "hunt." It's quite funny watching them. Sometimes i feel bad that i keep them house-bound, but when i weigh the factor of possibly losing them to death by automobile or wild animal i am satisfied with my choice.

Our house is a "rear" home. Meaning that there is a main street with a house on the front lot and ours is technically part of this address, but it sits on the backend (usually on an alley or court) thus giving it an address of "rear". My grandparents live in a "rear" home. Ours has a unique placement though. It is on a court, but the court ends in our driveway, it doesn't cross-cut through to the next block. I think that's pretty neat :)

It ends directly in front of the back of our house, our bedroom and living room windows overlook this area. The unique thing about it is that there is nothing beyond the opposite side of the court but vegetation and the creek then the next block ( which is a good distance from us). There is a path that cuts through the vegetation and leads to an elementary school which is nestled in a hillside about 3/4 of a mile from us. The neighbors kids use the path to go to school. All of the vegetation is overgrown and its quite funny to watch these children pause at the mouth of the path, as if to check for wildlife, before they race through it to come out the other side at the school.

I am not sure if who the property belongs to in this area as it spans from directly behind our home and to the east across about 6 other properties. Technically if the court continued on, it would go through this area and i'm thinking that maybe it's city property? Anyway as i've said its overgrown, some plants are obviously weeds, but there are many wildflowers and the smell is fantabulous! My whole house smells like flowers everyday, which cuts down the price of scented candles and air fresheners. Its the first thing i smell as i wake and the last before sleep. I love living here.

We have a woodchuck and the mouth of his home is about 75 feet from my garden. We discovered him upon the second day of living here. I was preparing dinner and all of a sudden the cats started making crazy sounds. I turned my head to see if they were playing with one another and i see them both side-by-side on one of the chairs looking out the east window of the kitchen. I shook my head at them and was just about to get back to my cooking when i saw him. Mind you on the east side of our home there is the vegetation, but about 10 feet (between the house and the brush) is grass and there he stood. He was nibbling on some dandelion directly beneath the window in the center of the grassy area. He is HUGE! Upon first look i thought he was a beaver, as we do have the creek behind us, it seemed logical that a beaver was in the area. I was freaked for a moment and started yelling for Matt to come quick. He paused and turned his head and looked directly at me, then scurried off into the brush. We named him Maxwell. Over the next week i kept an eye out for Max and he did not reappear until the following Sunday.

I now know his routine (some days it changes) and he is pretty reliable. I've taken to putting out some "snacks" for him in the morning which is the best time for a Maxwell sighting. I need to get my digi-cam fixed and take some snapshots to post. Maxwell rocks!

We also have 4 cats that frequently haunt the brush. One is the spitting image of Budderz, yet slightly lighter in color. We've fondly dubbed him "The Wild Clone" He is a mean looking tomcat that has obviously been in the "wild" for quite a long time.

Once when i was turning the earth to plant my garden i spotted him watching me from the brush. He was crouched down in pure hunting mode, i wondered if he thought of himself as the tiger of the neighborhood and whether or not he was deciding to eat me. I went back to my work and a few moments later heard a scuffle comign from his direction and few more moments after that i turned when the sound stopped and there he was sitting in the grass with a bird at his feet as he cleaned himself. I just watched the ritual of a catbath and after a couple of minutes he nipped the bird up and disappeared into the brush.

The other cats are more like visitors to the brush, The Wild Clone makes his home there, they are all darker of color. One is calico with black,grey, white and a reddish color. I have not named him yet. The other two are grey and black. Shadow and Midnight. Once at about 3am i heard a catfight outside, i presume it was one of the three and The Wild Clone. I never did find out who the participants were or who won for that matter. Maybe i should set up a kitty boxing ring outside and host matches...::Laughing::...I could charge admission and help feed my blogging addiction!

My mother popped online about 11am yesterday morning and immediately messaged me on MSN. I could tell she was in a panic almost immediately, as she was typing at lightening speed which is not normal for her. I designed their wedding invitations for them and she wanted me to do the wedding program now. Um did i mention she is getting married today? ..::Laughing::.. Yes procrastination runs in the family! Though my mother is a detail-driven person, somewhat of a perfectionist, and a planner extrodinaire, she often (like me) waits until the last minute to complete the project. This was another reason i opted to stay awake yesterday...to make my mothers program...I hope she got it! I emailed it to her about 2pm and Matt never woke me up to tell me that mom was on the phone, so i am thinking that all went well.

The wedding will be at The Botanical Gardens in Grapevine, Texas at 2pm. I wish i could be there, but alas i cannot, so i will be sending love, joy, and happy energy their way all day long. My sister Caitlin will also be missing the event as she lives here with me.

My mother met John online..::gasp::..yes, internet relationships CAN work! This is her third marriage and hopefully the final one. John is wonderful and i am glad she found him. We are kind of like the Brady Bunch except he does have one daughter. Three children each, my mom has 3 girls, John has 2 boys & 1 girl. Caitlin and I live in Pennsylvania. The rest of them live in Keller, Texas. My mother spent a good deal of time begging me to move back to Pennsylvania when i was living in Arizona. I moved back in June of 2002 only to have her move to Texas in June of 2003. ..::Sigh::.. I would've been closer had i stayed in Arizona! Such is life.

Congratulations Mom!

May you have the best day ever!!

Posted at 06:29 am by phatgirlie
Lay It On Me! Extra Sticky

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Staying True To Form...

I have not slept yet ..::..gasp..::.. Its been quite some time since i pulled the old "all nighter" and i do now remember why. My brain feels like a fuzzy caterpillar sluggishly journeying (sp?) to my cocoon to become a beautiful butterfly

. But for now i am just a dumb insect. So i will make no apologies for the crap that may spew forth from my fingertips onto this page. I just wanted something to do for a moment before i decide the fate of my day. I am thinking sleep....yes....sleep.

I did want to let you all know that in staying true to form, i have taken the carebear test and the results were so predictably me! (see image below)

Raver Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

It is also quite ironic that i have DJ Tiesto looping through my speakers as i took the above test...a sign from Cheer Bear?

I think so sparky, i think so!

Posted at 01:56 pm by phatgirlie
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Yet another T-storm...

..::..Inhale..::..

Can you smell the rain?? I caught the first scent about an hour ago. I decided to walk down to the grocery store as soon as I awoke. Not really because i was feeling that energetic and determined to do something productive the moment i opened my eyes, but because the B-cat was harrassing me for food and alas i had none to give him.

I'd been feeding them tuna for the past 3 days since I was being x-tra lay-zee and didnt want to move my ass out of the house and go to the store. Today i ran out of tuna so i HAD to go. Ahhh the life of a procrastinator. So before i fully wiped the sleep from my eyes i ventured out into the sun-dappled world and i smelled the rain.

There is a small bridge which runs over a creek there, and whenever i walk in that direction i always take a moment to look down and listen to the sound of the rushing water dancing over the rockbed. Today was no different. I paused to appreciate the beauty of it all when i smelled the rain. At first i thought maybe it was just the creek, but upon further deep inhalations i deduced that we would be getting a storm shortly. Capping my hand over my eyes i peered into the sky looking left, then right searching for the ominous clouds that would surely confirm my suspicions. In each direction spanned out were the most beautiful clouds I'd seen in quite some time, but no rain clouds. I continued my journey and began to reminisce on my younger days when i believed clouds came from a factory somewhere at the edge of the sky. I remember driving once to Hershey Park with my mother, aunt, and cousins and we passed this huge building set off on the right side of Interstate 81. From a distance i could see billowing white "clouds" drifting up from the earth into the sky and i thought to myself ..::..The Cloud Factory!..::.. As we approached this building i became more and more certain that we had infact come upon the mysterious source of cloud creation and expected to see puffy men (likely in the shape of the Stay-Puft man or the tire guy) running all around this factory making sure the clouds did not run out. The mind of a child is a wonderful thing. I believe i was roughly 6 or 7 years old. As we came upon the place, i asked my mother if that was the cloud factory. She replied,. "That's only one of them. There are many cloud factories around the world." I love my mother. She has always inspired my imagination and never (if possible) shattered my fantasies. She often played along as in the cloud factory.

One word that always comes to mind when i think of my mother is: Effervescent
She bubbles. Always. I mean obviously there were times when she was sad, depressed, or pissy. That's a given as we are all prone to be affected by situations that suspend or change our natural personality. It's human nature. My mother makes me smile.

She had this mole on the bottom of her (right?) foot. It was dead center in the sole and she told me that when she was a girl she stepped on a raisin and it stuck to her foot and now it was there forever. That is just an example of the way(s) mom would inspire fantasy. She recently had the mole removed and i cried.

When i reached the grocery store, i stood for a moment, checking the sky again for storm clouds. Again nothing but baby blue and fluffy goodness. Now this market i normally do not patronize. Not that its a bad market, but its never been in my vincinity before. I have many memories of this market. My Grandparents always shopped here and i spent alot of time with my grandparents as a child. These are my Father's parents and i love them more than i could ever express. Anyway, the doorway of the market has not changed much over the years, and as the automatic door swung open i was punched with a scent straight out of my childhood. Memories again came flooding back to me. Seems today is a day of remembrence. Immediately i was a child skipping through the door ahead of my grandpop, we were coming to get supplies for a cookout. This market smells exactly the same as it did in 1982. That is amazing.

Once my mother and i shopped at this market and returned home to cook dinner. We were in the kitchen setting everything out on the table and i sat at my place. She began to serve the food and she scooped this huge helping of corn onto my plate and when i looked down i screamed! The corn was moving! Somehow, (don't ask me how) a worm had been smuggled inside the can of corn and was now heated up and in my dinner. We bought the corn at said market. I remember this everytime i pass this place. I remembered it as i pushed my cart through the aisles. I remembered alot of things in the hour that i was in the market. I remember standing in the shopping cart as my dad pushed me through the aisles and as we would turn into a new aisle i would distort my voice and say "Now entering the ______aisle." I remembered being with pop picking up buns and ground beef and then going to the beverage distributor and picking up cases of crystal club soda and genny. I remember standing at the end of the frozen food bins, watching my grandmother on the opposite end bag up icecream and frozen peas while i rested my chin on the cold metal and wondered what it would be like to live in Antartica. Mostly i was flooded with memories of my father. My heart was clenching, pausing a moment, then quickly returning to a steady beat. I love my father. I miss my father.

..::..crying..::..

Everyone tells me that over time it will be easier to remember and the emotion behind losing him will ebb. Everyone lies. It's not easier with time, its harder. Anytime anything is not going right with me, i want my father. Maybe i instantly think that is because i know its not possible and that adds to my misery, compounds it into more than is necessary. I just think its because he was always the only person who truly understood me. We are the same. There are things i want to ask him. There are times i want to smell him. I still pick up the phone to call him. I love my father. I miss my father.

I need to go....

Posted at 01:59 pm by phatgirlie
Lay It On Me! Extra Sticky

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

And so then....

I
forgot to post yesterday :( poop!

Actually i was busy making mini-screen friendly pages for my site visitors who haven't got enough common sense to adjust their screen resolutions to their monitor size. Ok, well i had to be told about it originally because yes i too was once comptarded. Yes, that is a word, my word. You can look it up in the Bitchtionary once i get the page put together and IF you have any decent suggestions for entries into it i suggest you email me with it. And you better stick some reference in the sub line or i won't open that shit.

Anyhow, back to the point. I often notice (and my partner in crime pointed it out as well) that the majority of the people viewing our pages have their screen rez set to 800x600!!

WHAT?!?!?

Ummmmm.....hello, its 200frickin4. The majority of the monitors made after say...1997...are big enough for you to set rez higher. Plus all the pages look so pretty :) This pisses me off almost as much as you Nettards (yet another word for my book) who are still on DIALUP!

..::..beep beep blip blip beep bop boop..::..shhhhhhhhhh..::..eerrrooooppp..::..

                   *You are now have the worlds shittiest connection*

That is my suggestion instead of "You've got mail"

So needless to say i spent a buttload of time yesterday doing things to make my site most enjoyable for the cavepeople. If you've stopped by here in the past few days you'll notice that i changed this as well.

I am a constant re-designer.

I recently moved and have been in the new place for just about a month and i've already re-arranged the living room and the office. So it makes perfect sense that in the 4 days that i've had this blog that its changed already. I have to admit the pink wasn't doing anything for me seeing as its the basis for the main page of my site i figured it would tie in nicely, but honestly i like variety in pages. They should compliment each other yes, but one color scheme for the entirety of a site gets rather boring. You could be telling me the most interesting stories on the planet, but if after my 3rd click on your site nothing pops at me i'm gonna leave...
B-O-R-I-N-G!

I was walking back home from the store (i broke down and bought cigarettes) and i thought of something really great to write about ..::..Sigh..::.. if i could only remember it now. Many years ago i started carrying around a pocket journal so that at times like those i could jot my idea down to remember later. Too bad i didnt have my purse with me. I have too many journals. If there is a standard of how many journals is too many that is. At last count there were something like 65+ including one that is buried with my father. Some are full of poetry, others ramblings, some have fears-dreams-shames, many have diet plans, most have tears. They've become as much a part of me as my flesh and bone, and i think without them i'd have a hard time appreciating who and what i am today.

...::..Storming now i'll be back later..::..

                                               ..::..It's Later..::...............

I wasted myself watching Matrix-Revolutions. Bleeeech what a waste of film and money. There were certain scenes i found semi-orgasmic other than that, they should've stopped after the first one and let us all fantasize the rest. I am, however, super-dooper double drooble mega hyperlicious about Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! ..::..w00t..::..

I am a huge i mean huge fan of the Potter books. They did a fabulous job on the movies so far (though Chamber is my least fav of the books). This movie looks like it will absolutely rock! Not to mention the fact that it is, in my opionion, the pivitol point in the series. Many things are revealed in this one, and we begin to see everything that Harry is capable of as well as Ron and Hermione.

When i never have babies i will read them Harry Potter everynight before bed.

Off to check the bank balance and find out how many dollars i don't have

~Your Royal Phatness~

Posted at 08:44 pm by phatgirlie
Lay It On Me! Extra Sticky

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Oui! Mes sous-vêtements dégouttent mouillé!!

Two words:

ETHAN EMBRY
yummmy!

Yes, those are the only two words that have been floating around my brain tonight. Just look at him! ------------->

FREEKIN DELICIOUS!

Yes, I am still boy crazy at my age. I cannot help it.

I LOVE BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are probably thinking..::..Boys?..::..
Well yeah, I do prefer men BUT i am feeling girlish tonight. Somewhat giggly with an unending supply of hyperfied attitude. So there you have it.

Why am i on an Ethan binge?

Simply put, i was forced to veg out in front of the twatbox (TV for those that don't know) and i was hot and heavy with HGTV, you know...Design on a dime, House Hunters, and all that is decor-related. Anywhooo, i happened upon ABC-Family (channel 44 for those in my viewing area) and was immediately sucked into a cheesy made for TV movie. I do believe i was only supposed to remain temporarily on that station as there was a commercial on the other. Soon i got all sorts of involved in the plot and i watched the damn thing only to find out (during a commercial break) that the next cheesy movie was to feature above mentioned stud.

Ahhhhhhhhhh....heaven.....i don't care that i am watching crappy TV as long as Ethan keeps filling my screen with those fine features and boyish laugh.

My first addiction with him was when he appeared in the movie Empire Records. At that point it was only a slight fluttering of the belly and i'm pretty sure i was still madly in lust with Eddie Vedder at that time. THEN i caught Can't Hardly Wait and that transformed it to full blown lust. I think its the laugh that gets me the most. It's infectious.

I want to lay in bed feeding him frozen grapes and just listen to him laugh as he lightly caresses my inner thigh. See i told you it was lust. I'm sure in time i could love him.

So having all things Ethan floating around me tonight i started thinking back on childhood crushes with superstars and how all my friends and i would buy crap like Teen Beat and scotch tape the bonus centerfolds of the latest hunks all over our rooms.

..::..Yes i am dating myself..::..I don't care either!

I remember getting so involved with these crushes that i would over-fantasize about meeting this person and they would see me and instantly fall madly and deeply in love with me and we would buy a pony and an island and live happily ever after....there were even moments that i can recall crying as i laid in bed wishing for these fantasies to come true.

..::..I am laughing at myself now..::..

It's the honest truth though, all these memories are flooding back now. I never even cried over an attainable crush in the way that i would for my superstar du jour. Maybe its just because sub-consiously i knew i would never achieve the status of:

IN LOVE WITH A SUPERSTAR AND HE'S ALL MINE

hmmmm yeah that must've been it. Seems we always ache more for the things we cannot have rather than rejoicing in those that we do have.

I am going to ponder that one for a bit.....